In Search of Balance and Wisdom

I'm resurrecting my long neglected blog in an effort to correct my own lack of balance and wisdom.

Sparked by recent events, I've been on a binge of Facebook posting.  I've been reposting links to articles that have attempted to counterbalance the recent spike in ridiculous and sad behavior in the media.  I'm not going to  re-post links to the sadness, it's all quite sad enough without having to relive it.  But the issues of how women do or do not value themselves, how men view and treat women, how bodies are used and misused and where accountability lies have been at the forefront of many minds of late. It's something that I'm very passionate and vocal about, but chose to share other people's words and voices, rather than take the time to share my own.  I'm making amends for that here.

I recently reposted a blog post from a mom addressing the teenage girls in her son's lives.  Here's where I have to own my own lack of wisdom.  I read this post, and while I did and do applaud this mom for many things in her post, the hypocrisy of this mom asking girls to respect themselves and be modest whilst posting pictures of her sons shirtless was not lost on me.  Yet, my passion for girls (and women) to hear a different message than the one being screamed at them from the media and each other, over shadowed my desire to find balance and wisdom and I reposted it anyway without calling out the hypocrisy.  Nor did I flinch at the way in which these girls were called out and the way that they probably felt publicly humiliated by this well meaning mom.

However, my son called me out on my error today. He reminded me of the blatant hypocrisy and also pointed out how hard it could have been on some of those teenage girls who were just looking for some positive feed back and attention....however misdirected it may have been.  He's awesome like that.

We've had an interesting conversation about body image, morals, standards, modesty and sex the past few days.

As a matter of background, we both have a passion for design.  Be it interior, industrial, fashion, architecture, you name it, we love it.  Granted he has more talent for said passion in his little finger than I ever will in my lifetime, but we have common ground.  We both appreciate the beauty, balance and brilliance of thoughtful, purposeful design; and because we share this passion we share a continual immersion into media.  Media that lifts, enlightens, and positively engages, and media that does the exact opposite.

As a 47 year old woman and as a 22 year old man we have interesting perspectives on the flood of images that are out there, and how the entertainment and advertising world tends to project and sell sex, sexuality and image.  We agree that there is a whole lot of garbage out there as well as a whole lot of beauty and greatness.  We also agree that people need to be accountable and responsible, both for themselves and for what they sell.

Balance and wisdom.

In agreement with a written response to the aforementioned link, my son argues that well meaning parents need to spend more time teaching their sons that thoughts can be controlled, that THEY are accountable for their their thoughts and actions and that men are not just spineless individuals driven only by sex.  They need to teach their son's  that women are more than their bodies, to look beyond what they see.  He argues that if parents spend all of their energies locking down the images that our son's WILL eventually encounter (by accident, circumstance or on purpose), instead of helping them understand how to control their response to what they see, we will continue to perpetuate the plague of porn addiction and/or men who view women as objects to be used.

I agree.  There has to be a balance.  We live in a world full of mixed messages, confused individuals, evil and piousness, filth, beauty and mediocrity.  There is no escaping it.  We will encounter all of it.  What matters is what we choose to seek out.  What matters is how we respond to what we encounter.  Yes, be safe.  Yes, protect.  Yes, voice, teach and LIVE your morals and your standards.  But also voice, teach and LIVE accountability, responsibility and wisdom in choices.

I also applaud teaching girls and women to value and respect themselves.  In fact I shout it from the roof tops.... or at least in my conversations, church classes and every chance I get.  I see women and girls suffering from anxiety, depression, eating disorders and addiction because they are trying to live up to the impossible and the destructive.  It breaks my heart.  We need to have compassion and understanding for these women and be a voice to counter the barrage, but we also have to recognize that we, as women, have as much responsibility to not listen to or emulate the negativity and degradation that's out there as men do in choosing how they respond to the same.

 Ladies, we are not spineless sponges that have to absorb and act on what we see and hear.  We need to teach our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends to respect themselves.  Stand up, be healthy, be honest.  We can choose whether or not that airbrushed and photoshopped image is what we emulate or not and we can choose if it is going to make us feel like crap and raid the refrigerator to feel better.  We can choose to not be like the movie or TV star who has to starve and go under the knife to look like they do.  We can choose to understand that balance in being healthy and exercising has nothing to do with fitting into size three jeans and if your neighbor's butt looks better than yours.

And we ALL need to choose to understand that human intimacy is not about how she looks or how he looks.  It might get the the fire started, but its not real, it won't last.  Sex, in its truest sense of the word is about intimacy.  It is love, compassion, honesty (with yourself and with your partner), vulnerability and passion for each other. Lust, selfishness and Hollywood have nothing to do with intimacy. And sex without intimacy is shallow and empty.

I'm not perfect, I have body image issues, I struggle with how I feel in my own skin, I eat emotionally and I'm overweight.  I'm not immune to the sea of trash.  But I'm working on it and I'm choosing to be aware, to surround myself with people and images that are real and inspiring.  I'm eternally grateful for a husband who loves me for who I am and does not expect me to be something that is unrealistic and superficial.  I know many women who do not have that kind of unconditional love and support.   I'm grateful for a son who cares about balance and wisdom and values his gender's ability to stand up and be strong and accountable.  I'm grateful that he respects women and sees the beauty inside and out.

I guess what I'm trying to convey is that we all struggle with the enormity of what's out there.  It's confusing and hard to navigate. The greatest gift we have is the ability to choose how we navigate and what we absorb.  I just pray that we can teach what a great gift that is while continuing to stand up for
what is good, beautiful and right, with love, compassion and example.

September in Alaska

September in Alaska is unlike anything I have ever experienced.  The whole state looks like it has been dipped in yellow paint and my daily walks have been interrupted by me trying (and failing) to photograph the stunning beauty and do it justice. 

We've packed our weekends attempting to squeeze in all of the fall-ness we can, including the Alaska State Fair (bar none the best state fair I've ever been to), geo-chaching, dutch oven cooking, mallow roasting, leaf warring and Alaska zoo-ing.  Here is just a sampling of our fun.

The Alaska State fair was a blast.  From chocolate
covered bacon to Caribou steak sandwiches, to
the Colbie Caillet concert and local art, the fair
ruined me for the Utah State Fair forever. 

Fun little petting zoo with bunnies, goats, pigs, sheep, calves and chickens

We may very well own stock in this company before this adventure is over.

Arrrrrrgh maties. 

Tom and Caleb have discovered Geo Caching and Alaska is covered in them.  Seems like every where we go one of them is checking the iphone app to see if we are near another geo cache.  It really is fun and and a great way to explore your surroundings.  Minding the moose and bear population of course.

Uhh, I think he found it...

Our lovely miss Eliza turned
15 on us this month...I know, I
know, not possible.  But true.
We celebrated by taking her
to her favorite restaurant up
here, Moose's Tooth, viewing
Lion King 3D at the megaplex
(yes we do have those up here)
and feasting on cheesecake.

The BIG 15!

The Alaska zoo is pretty darn cute.  Full of local critters and a few not so local critters.  One thing for sure, Polar Bears have really big paws.....

See!

Chillin' at the zoo.

For sure one of our funnest days has been raking the leaves.  Our cute local missionaries showed up on Saturday and raked all of our leaves into piles for us.  It was just too irresistible.....

All in all it is safe to say I LOVE fall in AK.  I know all you south-landers are just gearing up for fall down there, but it is almost gone up here and the snow is inching it's way down the mountains.  Needless to say I am drinking in every last drop of yellow amazing-ness.

Pico de gallo

I should seriously know better than to say

I will post something the next day.

Kiss of death for my schedule.

So, my deepest apologies to all of you who have held off making chili verde and rice ala perfection due

to my hexing myself.

Even deeper apologies to those of you who made it and didn't have the pico. THAT is tragic.

Better late than never, right?

8 roma tomatoes, chopped

1-2 jalapenos, seeded and chopped

1 large yellow onion, chopped
2 small cloves of garlic, chopped

1/2 bunch of cilantro...yes, chopped as well

Juice of 1 lime

1t. sugar

1-2 t. salt

I really like the bit of sugar in there (you seriously can't even taste it) because it really helps the tomatoes to juice up.

Enjoy!!

Perfect Spanish Rice...at last!!!

I have been on the hunt for the perfect Spanish rice for years. I've resorted to boxed mixes, which as we all know are pretty meh. But today ladies and gentlemen I have done it! I found a recipe on line and tweaked it (more from a lack of time to prepare it tonight than anything, but it turned out awesome!).

I am also including my sister-in-law's amazing Chili Verde recipe because this rice is the perfect side dish for it. No pictures of the chili verde cause really, can one take a good picture of brownish-green deliciousness and do it justice? I submit that you can not. My next post will include the pico de gallo that makes this meal complete and scores a SD...otherwise known as Super De-lish in the Betz household...the highest of food praise.

Here you go my fellow foodies. Enjoy.

2 1/2 C. long grain white rice
4 C. chicken stock
8 oz. tomato paste
2 T. dried onion
2 t. garlic powder
4 t. cumin powder
1/2 C. cilantro, chopped
juice of 1 lime

Put it all in the rice maker and shizzam, you're done. If you don't have a rice maker, do yourself a favor and go buy one. OR you can do it on the stove top, bring to a boil, reduce heat and let simmer, covered until liquid is absorbed and rice is done.

Crockpot Chili Verde
2-3 lbs. pork, trimmed, cut into bite size chunks
2 large cans Las Palmas mild green enchilada sauce
2 cans diced green chilies
1 pkg. Knorr brown gravy mix (if you can't find Knorr, Shillings will do in a pinch)

Toss it all in the crockpot, cook on low about 7 hours, high about 4. You want the meat fall apart tender. Serve by dipping flour tortilla in the gravy, place dipped tortilla on a plate, fill will gravy and meat, cheese, refried beans, rice (whatever you want), roll up and place more meat, gravy and cheese on top. Top with pico de gallo, sour cream, guacamole.

Super de-lish!

Few things warm my heart...ok, my stomach...as much as fresh tomatoes and basil. Add crusty bread and balsamic vinegar and I am one happy gal. Bruschetta is traditionally toasted bread with garlic and olive oil, topped with tomatoes and herbs. This version is by far my favorite and really, I could eat it every day. I'm not really offering quantities because you can make as little or as much as you want and season it the way you like.

Crusty baguette bread (like the recipe below) sliced thin for toasting

Tomatoes (I prefer on the vine)

Fresh Basil

Garlic clove

Salt

Pepper

Parmesan cheese

Balsamic vinegar reduction (recipe to follow)

Seed and chop tomatoes. Finely chop one to two basil leaves per tomato. Salt and pepper to taste.

Slice bread thin for broiling, place on baking sheet and drizzle with olive oil (you can brush it on if you prefer). Broil bread in oven until it starts to turn golden...happens pretty quick. Remove from oven and turn each toast over. Drizzle with olive oil and return to oven. Broil until golden.

Remove from oven and allow to cool slightly so toast can be handled. Smash one large clove of garlic with flat side of a wide knife (please be careful if you haven't done that before!) Remove papery skin and rub garlic on each slice of toast. The garlic will actually melt into the toast.

Top with tomato mixture and finish with a sprinkling of Parmesan cheese. Place back in broiler until cheese melts...again, it happens quick.

Remove from oven, drizzle with balsamic vinegar or balsamic vinegar reduction.

Balsamic Vinegar Reduction

1 1/2 C. Balsamic vinegar

1/4 C. Brown sugar

In medium sauce pan boil vinegar until it reduces by half. (You may want to turn on the fan and open the windows for this, it gets pretty strong but I love it) Add brown sugar and stir until it thickens to coat the back of the spoon. DONE. So easy.

Artisan Bread

Ok, so I am seriously bread challenged. Or at least I used to be. Now I'm just moderately challenged when it comes to baking bread. I do not have a natural knack for kneading dough, I just never seem to know how long to knead, what it should really feel like, etc. Challenged. Not rocket science I know, but there you have it. So when my friend said she had a super easy, fool proof (aka, jo-proof) recipe for artisan bread I scoffed. Took me a while to even attempt it but I finally did, and holy moly this recipe made me look like a bread making rock star. It is AMAZING-ly easy and crusty bread delicious.

So here ya go friends. Enjoy! Oh, and don't let the need for a pizza stone and pizza peel scare you off. If you don't have them, it may not be quite as crusty, no biggie. But if you can afford them, they are WELL worth it.

1 1/2 T. Yeast
1 1/2 T. Salt
3 C. Warm water
6 1/2 C. Bread flour

Add all ingredients into a large bowl in the order listed. Mix well until dough comes together.

DO NOT KNEAD! (Yippeee!)

Cover dough in bowl with plastic wrap and allow dough to rise for 2 hours or until dough falls.

Cut dough into desired size (I quarter the dough) with a serrated knife. At this point the dough can be refrigerated and used anytime within two weeks.

Sprinkle with flour and shape into loaf by tucking the ends under. I like long skinny loaves for baguettes. Dust pizza peel with corn meal and allow loaf (loaves) to rest for 40 minutes.


Preheat oven to 450 with pizza stone on middle rack and an empty broiler pan on the bottom rack.

Right before baking, dust with flour and slash top of loaf 3-4 times with knife.

Slide dough from pizza peel with a quick jerking motion onto pizza stone in oven. Quickly pour one cup of water into broiler pan and immediately close oven to capture the steam. Bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool.

I'm told you can add sesame seeds or seasoning, but I love it all by itself. Makes fantastic toast for bruschetta. That is tomorrows recipe!

Hope

Here I am back to blogging after a year or so break. Life has changed so drastically in that year it is hard to reconcile in my brain. One year ago I was just finishing my first semester of school at LDSBC. I was so proud of myself for making it through a 14 credit load while still struggling to put food on our table and keep a roof over our heads. I was finally feeling like I could maybe get my nose above water and start living my life instead of merely surviving. Hope, that's what it was. The first glimmers of hope that things wouldn't always be so desperate and heartbreaking after a divorce, financial and emotional devastation, and some serious depression from the load I was carrying.

Hope came to me in so many forms...the scholarship at my school for single moms, a good bishop with sometimes hard counsel, friends and family, tender mercies that reminded me I was never, ever alone. Hope has a power to transform even the darkest of circumstances into something conquerable. I remember finishing my second semester of school and feeling completely spent. With three kids at home (and two on their own), working multiple part time jobs, and pulling off that required B average to stay in the program at school I was beyond stretched...I was breaking.

I had been invited to attend a luncheon for the recipients and donors of my scholarship the week before school ended. Not great timing to be missing class for a luncheon, but I was assured my teachers would understand and that it would be worth it. I dragged myself there that day and did my best to work the room and seem happy to be there. I don't think I fooled anyone. The cracks in my soul were starting to show in my countenance and by the the dark circles under my eyes from sleepless nights. I felt sure that given a smidge more pressure in my life I would crumble and someone would just have to sweep me away like the crumbs that were falling from the table as we ate our lunch.

As we ate some of the donors spoke, as well as one of the other single mom's, and finally the president of the school. As they spoke of their understanding of being a single parent and the support and love they offered us, hope started to filter in through my exhaustion and negativity. The spirit of love in the room was palpable and I just couldn't help it, the tears of relief started to flow. Someone understood how I was feeling. They understood the exhaustion, the pain, the heartache and the burdens that not only I was carrying but every other single parent in the room. They spoke of making it through this really difficult time and that eventually we would have better lives through our education, hard work and faith. HOPE.

It was a day I will never forget.

The hope I received that day got me through my third semester at LDSBC and my most grueling yet. Not only that, but during that semester I started to date again. Not the best timing, but it was nice to have a distraction now and then; albeit extremely weird to be back in that arena. Dating also gave me some hope that someday, WAY down the road I might find someone to share my life with and allow myself to love again. But that was a long way off.

Or so I thought.

I met this guy on line. Nice guy. Lived in Alaska...kind of an issue as I lived in Utah, but hey, I wasn't looking for anything serious anyway. Funny, smart, good looking, wrote amazing emails. We write, we chat, we talk, we Skype, we meet. We fall in love. We meet family and friends, we spend some more time together and we get engaged. WHAT? So not in the plan. He lives in Alaska, I'm in school, own two businesses, I've got kids in school who have never lived anywhere but Utah, WHAT? But what can I say, this wonderful man filled my soul with love and hope that I never thought I would have again. I prayed and prayed to ask it this was the right thing to do. I mean this was BIG and SCARY, but I had so much peace and so many answers to so many prayers I knew it was right.

When he proposed on the shore of the Cook Inlet just outside of Anchorage he asked me to look across the bay to a little town barely visible...ok not visible at all in the rainy weather...but I trusted it was there. The name of the town was Hope Alaska. He said he wanted me to see Hope when he asked me to marry him. Hope of our lives together, hope in the love we shared and hope for a very bright future. It worked.

So here I am, married, living in Alaska with my kids, new husband and step son, and as happy as I have ever been. Yes, I will finish my degree. Yes, there will be bumps in our road. And YES, I have hope that has seen me through some seriously dark days that I thought I would never make it through. But with God, prayer, love, friends and family I have a "perfect brightness of hope" for our future.